RELATIONSHIP THESAURUS

IN-LAWS



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HELPFUL TIP:

Relationships are part of the very fabric of your character’s life. How well or poorly they get along with others oftentimes comes down to personality, so carefully consider the positive traits and negative traits of your story’s cast. Another factor that can pull characters together or create friction is motivation, so keep each individual’s goal—both at the scene and story level—in mind as you write.
DESCRIPTION:
An in-law relationship occurs when a marriage or like-union occurs, and each partner in the romantic relationship joins the family of their other half. But while the partners choose one another, they wouldn't necessarily choose the parents, children, siblings, etc. that come with the package, and new additions to the family will alter existing dynamics—all of which can upset the apple cart, creating a plethora of conflict.

RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS:
Below are a wide range of dynamics that may accompany this relationship. Use the ideas that suit your story and work best for your characters to bring about and/or resolve the necessary conflict.

Both parties showing genuine interest in the other's passions, likes, beliefs, etc.
Engaging in polite conversation
Complimenting each other (on house improvements, a garden, a choice of car, etc.)
Inquiring about the other person's family members, job, vacations, activities, etc.
Pitching in to help when asked (with childcare, helping with a move or repair, etc.)
Seeking to keep the peace by avoiding contentious topics 
Offering advice, encouragement, and praise
Both parties seeking the other person's advice and opinions 
Offering help without expectations or strings attached
Telling jokes or sharing funny stories
Discussing current events, politics, popular movies, books, or pop culture
Celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and other family events together
Getting together regularly for weekly dinners, church services, etc.
Attending school and sporting events for each others' children
Either party prying into the other's business
Someone offering unsolicited or unwelcome advice
The character being judged by the in-laws and feeling they don't measure up
One person trying to drive a wedge between the character and the loved one in common (between a husband and wife, a mother and daughter, siblings, etc.)
Either party resorting to guilt trips: You never come to visit; Sarah's other grandparents always get her for Christmas and we never do; Why do you always stay at Bill's house and never ours?
Reminding the other person of their mistakes or bringing up a past embarrassment
Engaging in snide remarks, haughtiness, talking down to each other, and arguments
Either party pressuring other relatives to take sides
Someone asking for something inappropriate (requesting money, asking the person to lie for them, etc.)
Disagreeing about how children/grandchildren should be raised
Either party not respecting the other's rules
Either person Ignoring the other's boundaries

CHALLENGES THAT COULD THREATEN THE STATUS QUO:
One person pushing their beliefs about religion or politics onto the other party
A financial crisis that results in the two parties moving in together to pool resources
The person in common becoming absentee (working more, being deployed, etc.), removing the buffer between the two parties
Either party issuing an ultimatum: If you want to see your grandkids again...
One person suspecting the other party is being deceptive, manipulative, or undermining, but being unable to prove it
Another new person entering the family and upsetting the dynamic

WOUNDS THAT COULD FACTOR INTO THE RELATIONSHIP:
A PARENT'S ABANDONMENT OR REJECTION, A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, AN ABUSE OF POWER, BATTLING A MENTAL CONDITION, BECOMING A CAREGIVER AT AN EARLY AGE, BEING RAISED BY PARENTS WHO LOVED CONDITIONALLY, DIVORCING ONE'S SPOUSE, EXPERIENCING POVERTY, EXPERIENCING THE DEATH OF A PARENT AS A CHILD OR YOUTH, FINDING OUT ONE'S CHILD WAS ABUSED, GROWING UP IN FOSTER CARE, HAVING A CONTROLLING OR OVERLY STRICT PARENT, HAVING PARENTS WHO FAVORED ONE CHILD OVER ANOTHER, LIVING IN AN EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED HOUSEHOLD, MISPLACED LOYALTY, NOT BEING A PRIORITY GROWING UP

POSSIBLE CONFLICT SCENARIOS:
HAVING TO DECIDE TO HELP OR DO NOTHING, ONE'S INFIDELITY BEING DISCOVERED, HAVING TO BREAK A PROMISE, LOSING A SOURCE OF TRANSPORTATION, BEING EVICTED, A HEALTH ISSUE CROPPING UP, NEPOTISM OR FAVORITISM, BEING EXCLUDED, A FAMILY MEMBER DYING, CLASHING BELIEFS, BEING UNABLE TO FORGIVE SOMEONE, BEING INSULTED, AN EX INTERFERING IN ONE'S LIFE, BEING LIED TO, BEING MICROMANAGED, A DIVORCE OR BREAKUP, BEING MANIPULATED, BEING IGNORED OR BLOWN OFF, CONFIDING IN THE WRONG PERSON, HAVING TO RELY ON OTHERS, SENDING A PRIVATE MESSAGE TO THE WRONG PERSON, DISCOVERING A SPOUSE'S SECRET, BEING CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE, GETTING CAUGHT DOING SOMETHING WRONG, FAMILY SECRETS BEING REVEALED, BEING PRESSURED BY FAMILY, FORCED ATTENDANCE, BEING GIVEN AN ULTIMATUM, HAVING TO MOVE, NEEDING TO BORROW MONEY, DOMESTIC ABUSE

CONFLICTING DESIRES THAT CAN IMPAIR THE RELATIONSHIP:
Either party wanting to be the most important person in the character's life
One person wanting the other to change their beliefs while the other is unwilling to do so 
One party wanting to control the other
The in-laws wanting to have a say in everything and the character wishing for autonomy
In-laws wanting the couple to live nearby while the new family member wants space
The new family member pursuing a relationship with an in-law to fill a void in their own life while the in-law has no desire to grow closer
One party wanting to help the other when that person doesn't want help

CLASHING PERSONALITY TRAIT COMBINATIONS:
Controlling and Independent
Judgmental and Oversensitive
Stingy and Generous
Proper and Rebellious
Inflexible and Spontaneous
Nosy and Private
Gullible and Intelligent

NEGATIVE OUTCOMES OF FRICTION:
A tug-of-war over the loved one
Family feuds
Unwelcome family drama that ruins a special event, such as a wedding
Either party refusing to attend family events if the other person is there
Issues with an in-law causing problems in other important family relationships
Either person developing anxiety and/or struggling with their self-worth

FICTIONAL SCENARIOS THAT COULD TURN THESE CHARACTERS INTO ALLIES:
Both parties rallying to help the person in common, recognizing that each has their own strengths and value in the relationship
A crisis situation that result in everyone setting aside their differences to survive
Staging an intervention (for a drug issue, hoarding, etc.)
Both parties discovering something in common that brings them together (an interest or passion, a shared trauma that leads to deeper understanding and respect, etc.)
Showing a unified front when the family is targeted by an outside force
Learning that another person has been manipulating the relationship to keep the in-law and new family member at odds
A contentious character losing someone important and realizing they have a surrogate in their in-law

WAYS THIS RELATIONSHIP MAY LEAD TO POSITIVE GROWTH:
Valuable knowledge and insight being shared that helps one character navigate a tough situation
Either party recognizing the part they played in the dysfunctional relationship and seeking to improve
One party filling a relationship gap for the other—eg., a new son-in-law being embraced by in-laws who are estranged from their biological son
Natural maturity causing the two parties to grow individually and improve their relationship
Time or space away from each other allowing the parties to appreciate each other more 

THEMES AND SYMBOLS THAT CAN BE EXPLORED THROUGH THIS RELATIONSHIP:
ALIENATION, A QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE, BETRAYAL, BORDERS, COMING OF AGE, DEATH, DISORDER, ENDINGS, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, ILLNESS, INSTABILITY, KNOWLEDGE, LOSS, LOVE, PEACE, PERSEVERANCE, PRIDE, RITE OF PASSAGE, SACRIFICE, TEAMWORK, UNITY