RELATIONSHIP THESAURUS

GIVER AND TAKER



Never struggle with Show-and-Tell again. Activate your free trial or subscribe to view the Relationship Thesaurus in its entirety, or visit the Table of Contents to explore unlocked entries.

CHOOSE MY PLAN

HELPFUL TIP:

Relationships are part of the very fabric of your character’s life. How well or poorly they get along with others oftentimes comes down to personality, so carefully consider the positive traits and negative traits of your story’s cast. Another factor that can pull characters together or create friction is motivation, so keep each individual’s goal—both at the scene and story level—in mind as you write.
DESCRIPTION:
In this codependent relationship, each party gets something they need, but in an unhealthy manner. The giver goes to great lengths to please and help the taker, often sacrificing their own needs, desires, health, and mental well-being in the process. This can result in the giver being abused, neglected, or taken advantage of. In the end, both parties benefit, albeit dysfunctionally: the taker gets someone to serve them while the giver gains something they crave (the other person's approval, finding purpose in serving them, etc.). This dynamic can be found in any pairing—between spouses, friends, coworkers, a parent and child, coach and athlete, boss and employee, etc.

RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS:
Below are a wide range of dynamics that may accompany this relationship. Use the ideas that suit your story and work best for your characters to bring about and/or resolve the necessary conflict.

The giver struggling to say no to the taker, no matter how selfish the request
The giver making excuses for the taker, even accepting the blame for their actions
The giver finding their identity as a caregiver or in relationship to the other person (instead of having their own identity)
The giver sacrificing their own needs in favor of the taker's
The giver being unaware of their own needs or being unable/unwilling to communicate them
The giver experiencing frequent stress or anxiety due to never knowing where they stand with the taker
The giver always being the one to make amends when conflict occurs
The giver taking personal responsibility for the taker's happiness
The giver believing that no one can care for the taker like they can
The taker guilting, bullying, or manipulating the giver into doing something for them
The taker mistreating the giver, then attempting to make up for it with gifts or gestures
The taker expressing dissatisfaction with how a giver is doing things
The taker controlling every aspect of the giver's life
The taker becoming jealous if the giver gives their time or attention to anyone else (including a child, parent, sibling, etc.)
The taker showing little or no interest in the giver's true needs or desires
The taker refusing to negotiate or compromise with the giver (“my way or the highway” thinking)

CHALLENGES THAT COULD THREATEN THE STATUS QUO:
The giver becoming physically or emotionally compromised so they're unable to continue in their role
The giver's family exerting pressure on them to get out of the relationship
The taker finding someone else to take the giver's place
The giver choosing to practice self-care and prioritize their own needs
The taker having an epiphany about their abusive or selfish ways
Either party having to relocate far away
A significant change that brings new people and demands into either person's life (a spouse, baby, new boss, etc.)

WOUNDS THAT COULD FACTOR INTO THE RELATIONSHIP:
...

POSSIBLE CONFLICT SCENARIOS:
...

CONFLICTING DESIRES THAT CAN IMPAIR THE RELATIONSHIP:
...

CLASHING PERSONALITY TRAIT COMBINATIONS:
...

NEGATIVE OUTCOMES OF FRICTION:
...

FICTIONAL SCENARIOS THAT COULD TURN THESE CHARACTERS INTO ALLIES:
...

WAYS THIS RELATIONSHIP MAY LEAD TO POSITIVE GROWTH:
...

THEMES AND SYMBOLS THAT CAN BE EXPLORED THROUGH THIS RELATIONSHIP:
...